It's been scientifically proven that soaking food with urine is the only way that you're able to stop someone from eating food. Unfortunately, you also have to be able to freeze time, so basically people will eat whatever you put in front of them.

Let's rock!

David Lynch is a fucking treasure. There's something about his particular type of lunacy that I find extremely comforting in these idiotic times. Sure the world may be weird and fucked up, but here comes David Lynch to show you how weird and fucked up can be entertaining and affecting.

"I'm confused… I thought.." stopped being disingenuous when, exactly?

I made the mistake of craving Elvis burgers. Since I live on my own, and don't like to waste buns, I've had burgers with bacon, peanut butter and bananas for the last three nights. Tonight, I'll finish of the bacon, buns and burgers allowing me to eat like a non-future cardiac patient for the rest of the week.

I got banned for a month once. I think it was because I was defending women only screenings of Wonder Woman. Still kind of unclear. I had to beg to be let back in.

I guess that Ready Player One is the cool thing to hate on. Most of the criticism I see seems kind of vapid however - a lot of criticism about how unlikely the premise is, how it seems to be little more than a nostalgia production machine. These people can suck it - I'm looking forward to this one because it looks…

I'm a huge fan of people using proper English and grammar at all times. There's nothing creative or interesting about aping another style, especially when it's overused.

Especially since it seems misused here. Was everyone anticipating that the titles would be a maze, or that a maze would somehow be involved in the marketing? Or is this a surprise? Or just extremely lazy? "Here's some 'news' and an ill-filtting cliché. Enjoy"

Tesla were one of my favourite bands growing up - I saw them last year opening for Def Leppard, and they still put on a good show. Never be ashamed of the music you listen to! If it means something to you, it's important.

That's an eclectic shuffle you've got going on there, Pasty.

Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
Too Many Rappers - Beastie Boys
The Way It Is - Tesla
The Good Soldier - Nine Inch Nails
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Back Of Love
Unreal - Tricky
Distant Sky - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Jimmy - Tool
Outtasite (Outta Mind) - Wilco
Gardenia - Kyuss
The Body - The Gutter Twins
Fun That We Have - Julian…

I'm the only person who could pass as a white frat boy at my office, and I'm not. I've got a great staff of women (plus a man) and they make every day entertaining.

Especially fuck Sarah "Annie Wilkes" Huckabee - I never though I'd miss the lies of Spicer, but you could at least see a moral struggle in his eyes. Not so with Huckabee - she has got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes…

I can't think of any shit to fuck this week. Not that life is gravy, but I'm having a hard time having anything bring me down. I'm even enjoying Trump right now - it's like watching something you hate die in slow motion. I guess Fuck Trump anyway though.

That's just a classy way of apologising. I was worried the story was going to veer off into revenge complaints territory.

Rule of thumb - 95% of the people you meet will be shorter than you expect. I remember meeting Lee Aaron (reference for Canadians only) and was shocked that I was about 1.5 feet taller than her.

I'm a little old-fashioned - I know that it's rude to want a woman only for what she can provide sexually, and even if I was paying her for her time, would probably feel a little weird about just jumping into things without getting to know them first.

I just flirted with her just this morning. She's recently asked me to give a presentation every week to people at her centre so I go in to talk to her beforehand. She seemed receptive to my stupid jokes, but I don't know how to progress beyond that…

The Queen's in Kingston, Ontario, which is also my hometown, and where my little brother currently works.