“I mean, I’d never really considered it. What if I really am just a belly-itcher?”

This feels like a good time to mention that the Buccaneers won the Ed Block Courage Award NFL Athletic Training Staph of the Year for 2013.

not just sports media; the New York Times itself spent all of 2016 hyping butter emails

Coming out of addiction back into straight life, you already feel like the biggest damn imposter. It feels like your track marks glow through the sleeves of your blazer, that every twitch of the jaw gives you away as a white-knuckling junkie. You feel like everyone *knows*, everyone can tell — you don’t belong here.…

EXACTLY. Mom and Dad settled on 4 random teams but somehow the kid is screwed because they MUST choose from those 4 random teams with no geographic connection? Wrong. And a stupid question. 

/Ohio math!

I’ll always remember Eugene Robinson (a good Christian family man) getting popped for prostitution the night before he was supposed to play in Super Bowl 33.

Very surprised Drew didn’t mention the 1972 Dolphins in his “what has always sucked” section. Those motherfuckers are the worst kind of Boomers, rooting for the failure of Millennials while spewing that “back in my day” bullshit.  

Any loud phone use should be a war crime.

went to college there, left, will never go back. To sum up my experience in the best Wisconsin way, I had a higher up co-worker say to me “you’ve got a bright future, but if you want to move up you need a new girlfriend.” She was Asian. That didn’t go over in WI. I left and married her. 

This reply is burfict.

I had a friend who dated a woman from Ohio in college. When she dumped him, he referred to her as that “worthless, Ohio, piece of shit.” One of my other friends fired back, “no need to say the same thing three times. We get the point.” 

when I was a kid (maybe 5th grade, not sure) my friend’s family took us to Cedar Point (where every Michigan kid went in the summer). Before we crossed the border into Toledo my friend said “my dad’s coworker told me people in Ohio are really weird.” The first thing we see in Toledo - a man walking down the street…

FDR to Hirohito, 1942.

Yeah man. I live in DC. Cops wouldn’t even look up from their phones with my naked ass walking down the sidewalk. I am the last of their problems when there are multiple shootings on the same block every damn day. And they look for any excuse to not fill out paperwork on actual crime. I’m making it to the Maryland…

My 4 year-old just said he agrees with HfM. He wanted me to relay it since he's in the grays. 

I can help with that question! (Hey pal!): A bath towel is to a bath sheet as a sedan is to an SUV

I can help with that question! (Hey pal!): A bath towel is to a bath sheet as a sedan is to an SUV

The good of destroying a trombone player wipes out the evil of the forward pass.

It's a fairy tale for the retard inside all of us.

Forrest Gump, despite not being very bright, or knowing what the hell he's doing 90% of the time, manages to become a High School football star, war hero, and millionaire.  He meets Presidents, influences rock stars, and is integral to every major event in his lifetime.