Sign me up as someone who doubts whether domestic cats are actually domesticated. They are stone cold predators, who only live with humans for the convenient free food and creature comforts. Don't get me wrong, I love my little killer in a cat bed, but I have no delusions about her nature.

Can you blame them for not vaccinating... Rabies is nowhere near as scary as Autism.

My friend left my apt early tonight (morning? 1230 am) and a cat waltzed into my living room, NBD. Went to the window ledge that my own cat usually chills at and made himself/herself at home. Took us 20 mins to get him out, I was trying to call the number on his collar but this cat IS NOT A DOG holy shit he would have…

I sleep with one eye open knowing one day my bunny Oreo will turn on me and my wife. Do you see the ill intent in those eyes?

Ocelot??

I watched it, and now I feel depressed. What is wrong with people?

...only dreams now.

You'd think most Brazilians would be used to the pain of a good waxing by now.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? Chris Evans and Sandra Bullock are together? I must heave this rock off of me and find out more.

"a teenage prostitute (golddiggerish thing)"

Or it could be just a chaste kiss between BFF's. You know. I'm going with my first notion because it pleases me.

Cousin 1: What should our "safety" word be?

So, in order for him to be responsible for her death, she would have to have been a saint? I'm not sure what one has to do with the other.

I've always had a crush on Indiana Jones. My friends are like, "You mean Harrison Ford?" No I mean Indiana Jones. He's smart, attractive, adventurous, witty and a professor. I like all those qualities and he's the best combination of all the things I like. I've always said that my perfect man is a mix of Indiana…

Exactly! It seems like a pretty well-worn trope that strong black women invariably have their femininity attacked. No surprise that this is playing well with the Tea People.

No, allow me to pay for my own birth control out of insurance which is part of my compensation.

OH NO. No no no. I fought the ticket and it was thrown out. In addition, I went before the district magistrate and they found in my favor. The city was forced to pay my insurance deductible as well. MWAHAHAHAHA.

I still see the cop every so often when I'm walking around the city.

what the shit

Him: Do you have a little Irish in you?

the fuck.