In 1865 they would have said blue, most likely.

Went to a metal show last weekend. All of your criteria were represented! Came home with a sore back from being 'aggressively massaged' by the other patrons behind me too (enjoy not being in the first row, like me, suckers!), mystery bruises all over the back of my arms and a guitar pick handed to me by the lead…

Great. So not only will I die by coughing up a lung, but I will have to die knowing that it's because some Portland hipster yuppie douchebag couldn't be arsed to take his daughter Cucumber to get a fucking pertussis shot between her unicycle and harpsichord lessons.

This. A pipe could be crack or meth, therefore drama, while a bong is weed, therefore comedy.

Moves 1-52: touch him on the penis.

FUCK THE POLICERS

People who police their neighbours are the worst... the worst. :(

Trying to get to the front is part of concerts to me. I don't like letting people through either, but I do it because I think at some concerts if you get separated from the people you're with, that might be the last time you see them all night. I always assume if one person is trying to get through, it's because…

Person 5 is just a recent immigrant from DC. They'll learn to feel again, probably.

I would rather just not eat cheese than eat low-fat cheese. And I eat more cheese than a cartoon mouse.

I like Camille Paglia. 90% of what she says is utterly wrong, 5% is somewhat wromg, and 5% is brilliant. I read her for the last 5%.

Wait, in 20 years, will my daughters be reading online articles about how their choice of Monster High doll shaped their personality?

A recent study has found that 100% of people who consume di-hydrogen monoxide will succumb to death. Details at 11.

Nope, this one is perfect

Kardashian Kristmas needs more Krampus !

Yeah, people definitely get tattoos to NOT get looked at.

Just skip the baby shower, and send me a pregnancy announcement with your PayPal. I will send you some money not to sit through another hell where people think that melting candy bars on diapers constitutes "fun".

That's all.

Fart the toxins away!