I always tell people I am only leaving my house to go somewhere equivalent or better. I am not downgrading from my bed to a tent, thanks.

THEY INVENTED INDOOR PLUMBING FOR A FUCKING REASON, MARTHA.

Her kid is going to be the biggest capitalist fat cat Republican plutocrat EVER. His house will be nothing but bathrooms filled with sanitizing gel and he will own seven thousand pairs of shoes. He will also change his name to Steven Grant My Mother Passed Away on his eighteenth birthday.

Hope her kid isn't a biter! "Don't bite your friend Ulysses! We're VEGAN!"

Oh my God, the stupid. It hurts. These people are dangerous to society...

And she thinks chickenpox is caused by negative emotions emanating from people around you.

Fun fact: this lady is an anti-vacciner. That's all you need to know on top of this hot mess.

Is this like some paleo pregnancy thing where we're supposed to only eat raw meat and nuts and go hide in a cave alone when its time to labor?

I find obstetric fistulas, shoulder dystocia, a prolapsed uterus, permanent incontinence and a brain damaged or dead infant way scarier than a c-section, but that's just me.

Being the most insufferable white woman at a brunch, I'm guessing.

I was just watching a documentary on the chimpanzee. I enjoyed watching the part where mumma chimpanzee put the placenta in a waterproof bag and then blogged about it. AHH NATURE.

Jesus: "Oh good grief, guys, I said I hate FIGS".

Look on the bright side. At least they're not skorts?

Hannah Montana. Just sayin'

"I did The Artist’s Way and the universe told me write a rap song." is hilarious - someone was always suggesting I read that horrible, masterbatory, self-help piece of shit when I was in art college. I'd rather stick my head in the oven, along with a copy of The Secret. This song & video, however, makes me feel the…

Having a cat who sits on command has saved my bacon many times. Literally. She gets into my bacon, I say sit, and bam. Bacon saved.

why are all the girls books things that everyone should learn, but the boys books only cover completely ridiculous situations that will never happen to anyone?

Is it just a coincidence that all those books are by women?

That's funny because 18-25 was about the exact same age I was when I could still read Stephen King. Then I read Kurt Vonnegut and never looked back.