BMW drivers dream to have this level of asshat parking job

BOLD of you to assume I have leftover ribeye from the night before

Oh Oh Oh! Even more ideas! What if we expand on the tractor-trailer concept a bit more and make a really, really big tractor which is basically just a giant engine? It’ll be the giant engine on wheels! We could just call the ‘Engine’ for short.

so when the Bruins win the Cup on Wednesday will these ads then show up on the web browsers of poor children in Africa?

+1 luminous mystery

Eight thousand nine hundred forty-four miles.

It’s too bad this happened in Seattle, where fans prefer smaller, handcrafted, artisanal dingers.

I’m starting to get a nagging sense that when people say The Economy is fine, they mean that it is working exactly as designed: funneling more and more money into fewer and fewer grimy hands.

There once was an idiot from Limerick,

Sephiroth was a sled!

I have a serious question. Who are the 17+ million people who are watching this? I just don’t see the entertainment value in watching people fake incest and fight dragons and kill people at weddings for an hour or however long these things last.

Does it count if I was the author of my own suffering? My excuse is that I was in my early 20's and an idiot,* if that helps.

what happens when people start moving away? I am still closest to the people I befriended at a younger age, but it’s hard to just rely on old friends when they spread out all over the globe. make new friends but keep the old, blah blah blah

I thought Republicans were for child separation.

Gabe, god dammit im ready. Put a helmet and cup on me and I’ll roundhouse the butter long and true. How hard can it be? They put it in front of you, and you kick it to hell. It’s no different than your little trash can on a Monday. You’ve been preparing for this your entire professional career. And there is glory to…

“Paula Abdul threw a hat at me once.  It was awesome.”

Achievement unlocked: Kobyashi Maru 

This is what is sounds like when ducks cry

A Rhythm Method actress, apparently. Ba hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha i’m out.