I’m not dignifying this shit anymore, what is there left to do? It is clear we are divided and that the other side has no interest in disavowing their nominee. Therefore, I am hijacking this post. I ate a footlong and bag of chips two hours ago and I’m still hungry. I want nachos and hot dogs. Also, I’m not motivated…

God damned right I am.

THIS.

Here’s Leonidas’ dick and balls.

I believe 164 BCE was also the last time a Buffalo sports team was in the playoffs.

Quick question: are you quoting my wife or my performance review?

To be fair, I am a lawyer, so I may not be nice at all. But in my profession we call this “assumption of risk.” If you have loved ones that you care about, why the hell would you get involved in something like this? Do you trust cops? Cops with guns? Cops with guns IN FLORIDA? I’m a middle-aged white man with money…

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

All the bros over here are excited for some Pretentious Valley IPA, that’s for sure.

“gas leaks, power outages, and ‘a small fire.’”

No one wants to host the Olympics on the IOC’s terms.

“...and each player who wore a black shirt was fined $500.”

I get it, they don’t want controversy to distract viewers from compelling WNBA storylines like “Which two teams are these again?” and “Is that point guard the one I heard about in college in 2009? No? Ok nevermind.”

Counterpoint: Build permanent venues in Athens.

Dear IOC,

I know, this paragraph just killed me:

Female ex-GOP here. When it’s how your entire worldview is informed from birth, “brain damaged” maybe isn’t quite as accurate as “brainwashed”.

The dick is telling reporter about his plane.

Why is it that the interior of every private plane, no matter how expensive, ends up looking like a 1985 Starcraft van conversion?

They were allowed to interview him in the back of the cruiser? Lol, wut?