"What do you think about The Hunger Games having a better opening than the first Twilight," I asked my shrink this morning.

I know. But the mental image of angry teenage lesbians in hand to hand combat with gay Gaga fans is a better mental image than the gays fighting preteen girls.

The Gaga fans/Bieber fans fight would be a battle of adult gay men against teenage lesbians.

I wonder if I changed my Jezebel user name to BretEastonEllis if people would buy it and the anti-Bret people would start making ragey responses to the most mundane comments I'd make.

I'm considerably more fond of women then Hemingway was.

I think the word is "fun!"

Exactly.

I was so excited the first time I went down on a creampie! I was like "I did that!"

Yeah, I've been with women who dry out and often hurt when their partner uses condoms. They aren't the magic bullet that they claim to be.

Exactly. The problem with condoms is that they just don't work anywhere near as well as advertised in real life.

Wait. I know just as many women as men who dislike condoms. You can't blame this all on the dudes. Beyond that the main reason why couples in committed relationships move from condoms to hormonal birth control is that they tend to be having sex on a regular and frequent basis and condoms in typical use are much, much,…

There are cave drawings from pre-history that depict condoms.

There is an idea of a Drunk Ex Pat Writer; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.

If I have to be pictured as a Dave, I'd rather Grohl.

Thyme heals all wounds.

Thank god this won't let people realize I'm Bret Easton Ellis.

Wait til someone points out to them that the highest quality beans offered at coffee shops are actually shit out of cats before they are roasted and sold.

Hmmm... lots of pictures of young naked girls. If that's your thing going to Fleshbot and doing a search for "best of babelogs" could get you what you want a lot more easily. Nothing particularly kink friendly either. And really not a lot of stuff for heterosexual women to look at. (To get pictures of guys to show up…

Well, sometimes I have been. I'll admit to being nervous the first few times I walked past The Bear Cave when it opened and got wolf whistled and "woof woof!" comments from the fucking strong looking dudes standing outside because, like them, I have a beard and beer belly.

Well it would be nice if parents were that rational. But, I suspect it's hard to be that rational if you have children because it's really hard to face up to those realities when it's your kid and not just hypothetical teens in general.