Burning-hot takes:

It's the weirdest part of being a film critic. Writing about a really bad movie can be a lot of fun; writing about a great movie feels like a privilege. But the vast, vast majority of films (both studio films and tiny indies) fall somewhere between "that was generally entertaining" and "that wasn't very good." It's…

Sometimes I'll be shocked to see, like, an 82% freshness rating for a kind of mediocre film, then check it against Metacritic, where mostly the same reviews will add up to 65% or something. That is the big flaw in RT — no distinction between "most critics shrug their shoulders and say 'this is fine, I guess,'" and…

That was actually my favorite part. The vision of a farmer in the middle of Alabama loading up the kids into the back of a truck, then checking his iPhone, "Now wait just a goll-darned minute. Richard Brody's review just got added up with the rest of 'um, and now the movie's down to 67% on that thar freshness scale……

Pretty much.

Those lyrics, of course, were written by a not-yet-famous Jay-Z.

Non-smoked, thick-cut bacon works just fine. The only thing I'm a purist about is the pecorino.

Some of the best meals I've eaten in Italy were the result of someone's mom or grandma basically cleaning out the fridge and throwing the result on top of pasta. The only difference, really, is that most Italians would never call it by the name of a specific dish — instead of "I made a carbonara, but with cream and…

Roman pasta is possibly the most underrated subset of Italian cuisine. Carbonara, all'amatriciana, and cacio e pepe are all incredibly fucking cheap, incredibly easy to make if you're not an idiot, and fucking delicious. I like to think my ability to make a good carbonara was the deal-maker when I first started dating…

Yeah…I mean, I hate the line of argument that because there are people dying in Syria, it's pointless to worry about more subtle or minor forms of injustice. That's dumb — people can care about and work on different issues simultaneously. But it's hard to get worked up when the argument is that "people who believe in…

Portrait of the Artist feels a little dark:

This song isn't great and the performance is pretty meh and the staging is a lame Epcot Center version of a thrash show and the Grammys really need to stop trying to make these uncomfortable "Grammy moments" happen and just let musicians perform their own damn songs they way they want to for fuck's sake. On the other…

Ah. It's entirely possible I don't know what I'm talking about. Still feels draconian as written, however.

But (honest question) why the immigration thing? I totally get giving yourself an easy way to sue a band who plays an unauthorized show. But deportation?

Right, exactly. Normal corporate ass-covering/intimidation would be to reserve the right to sue if the contract is violated, with it understood that you'd probably just be blacklisted. Threatening to alert immigration — especially considering the…you know…THINGS that are going on in this country — is a very different…

I was roommates with a guy who worked as a sommelier at one of the higher-end Vegas restaurants, and he would run into these guys all the time. Like, "Ah, the '94 Lafite-Rothschild, excellent choice — no better way to spend $7,000. But if I might recommend drinking it in a Bordeaux glass, instead of a chilled beer…

I signed as Jason Chaffetz (imcoldandtherearewolvesafterme@chaffetz.house.gov)

I know a few people who run in the same social-professional circles with a lot of the big thrash metal dudes. (Not a humblebrag, really — I don't know any of these guys myself at all.) These are basically the impressions I've gotten:

Agree. Three Stevie Wonder albums winning Album of the Year in four years is the high mark of the Grammys' taste level.

That would make considerably more sense. Unfortunately, this is an organization that gave a country award to Pentatonix yesterday.