Time Magazine, like every other player in the flailing and failing print industry, puts the person most likely to sell magazines on the cover of the "most influential" issue. If anyone honestly believes that Beyonce is more influential in the global sphere than, I don't know, actual world leaders, I would recommend…

If any organization knows what's hip with the kids these days, it's Forbes.

If you think Suri Cruise was created to backup an image of a sham-marriage, you're not looking deep enough. Suri Cruise was created for one thing and one thing only: world domination. She is the force that will align the rebels and bring the revolution.

Wouldn't be the first time. See: Suri Cruise.

You do realize I am sitting at my desk at work literally laughing out loud hysterically at that, which is what my post is referencing here?

The most

And I can already smell the barrage of think pieces from pop culture critics trying to dissect a marriage they were never a part of.

I have a theory of Jay and Bey's relationship (even though I have never met them and have no actual knowledge of their relationship. Frankly, though, I would love to be in Bey's circle of girlfriends. That being said

Surely you've heard this one, (not one of my favs):

I've got nothing except that I am thrilled that Basement Jaxx is still making music.

One day I was sitting on the bus behind a girl with headphones on with a guy started calling her "Blondie," and just generally telling her how he'd like to get to know her. He wasn't particularly crude about it, but it was clear his attention was unwelcome. But he kept trying, and she kept replying in monosyllables…

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone at that lovely ass."

remember the part in the bible where Jesus interrupts the stoning of the sinful woman to comment favorably on her physical appearance?

a minute ago you're a psychologist, now you're a prosecutor? make up your mind.

I'm a lawyer, and I have to say he gets a lot of respect from me for doing this. As awful as what she did was, the fact is she probably has little or no money, and a judgment would not have accomplished much more than what he got from her confession. So instead of clogging up the legal system, he VERY graciously…

This was probably the right thing for him to do, but damn if I didn't want him to see it through to the end, just to give her what she deserves

-I will not babysit any kids of the age that still wear diapers, I don't change any diapers, sorry.

A pregnant teenager and her boyfriend were murdered after arranging to meet a stranger for sex through the website Craigslist.

People like this should not be reproducing. There, I said it.

It was the knock on the door that woke me up. The empty bottle of bourbon on my desk and the blurred vision the left hook and right jab of the combination that told me that my night at Goldie's hadn't ended with just the one drink. I wasn't usually this much of a mess, sleeping in my office was more of a special…