I think we can all agree that the biggest crime of all is the number of capital letters used.

I wish they wouldn't keep telling me to honour America and support "our" troops, or spend half the game trying to get me to buy things. But shit happens.

If you're British, "fizzy pop" is basically the only acceptable term. "Fizzy drink" if you think you're a bit la di da.

Australian wine aficionados refer to overly fruit-forward, jammy wines as lolly water. But then, Australians call sweets/candy "lollies".

If I only had one hashtag left I'd probably go with sticktosports but jeez, notallmen is tempting, too.

So I'm still in the grey and this guy isn't. I need to take a long, hard look at myself.

Also the Guardian's Football Weekly podcast... at least when Barry Glendenning is sober.

That's 7'6" on the ground - at full leap he must get to nearly 7'8".

All these points are entirely valid, but to be fair VB, XXXX, Tooheys's (aka "New") et al are also fucking disgusting. They either taste of hangover, or of nothing. Walk into any non-hipster bar here and you'd best hope they have Cooper's on draught because otherwise it's fizzy pisswater a go go.

In all likelihood I'm snoring on the sofa by 9pm if I get peace and quiet from 8pm. It's 5-7pm for me: still awake enough to potter in the kitchen and I can have a beer while doing it. Life doesn't get better than that (any more).

Due process doesn't just apply to non-assholes, though.

I too dream of the day when the oppressive yoke imposed on us all by poor black people is lifted.

Maybe the word "sexstravaganza" is just written really small in "All Day Sexstravaganza Foundation". But then again, it was an all *night* sexstravaganza, so I'm still confused.

It wasn't?

It's funny, because that happened in rugby league. Which rugby union fans are normally happy to decry as the scummy working class simulacrum of their corinthian ideal of sport.

Ok, so it's not that you don't think anyone else would be capable of it, you just don't think anyone else would want to do it? I'm gonna say, no, plenty of competent people would be willing to do that job. Many might suggest that by being less shitty at and about it there might not be so much media backlash to absorb.

You think some other random stuffed shirt might just be able to make money out of the NFL too?

It's ok, I got the joke.

On second thoughts, maybe it would be wise to respect his culture:

The important questions are: