Translated by my co-worker (son of Russian immigrants to America, not a joke)

Problem solved.

His palms are sweaty, arms weak, doors heavy, something something LaFerrari.

Maybe this right here is why he isn’t qualified to own another Ferrari?

The amount of crazy dash cam footage we see from Russia is just astronomical.

I have never once had to give my license plate number to an insurance company. I believe it’s not relevant to them in any way. Your policy is linked to the VIN, even in states like CA where your coverage is transmitted directly to the DMV.

When I see a car in the snow with the wipers up, I take it as the international sign for “I’m not comfortable with this situation and probably shouldn’t be driving today”

Always wait until last minute to brake when icy. The ABS and All-Season tire combo works better when you need to stop very quickly.

Drivetrain makes nowhere near the difference as winter tires do.

d) Browse Craiglist for: Max Price 5000, Max Year 1980

Nah, doing this would be a total fail in Forza. You need to have an opponent be in mid-turn to act as a wall-brake in order for it to work.

...and an ignition switch that locks the gearshift for theft protection and not the steering column.

This is the Most Fortunate Sequential Plate In This History Of Mankind

This reminds me of what I did around this time last year when I was bored at work...

Are you going to try your shirt technique to hide all the oil stains? You know, cover the whole driveway in oil so it hides the oil stains?

Racks are silly if you don’t carry anything with them. It’s just like yoga pants. “LOOK AT ME I’M ACTIVE” You’re not fooling anyone buddy.

It’s a wagon, you can fit what you need inside.

My neighbors Dodge Caravan had doors like that 20 years ago. Sure, they slid backwards instead of forward, but a sliding door is a sliding door.

All I could think was how much it reminded me of a Monte Carlo...which isn’t what you want a semi-exotic Italian car to ever remind you of.

Holy crap, I made a Jalopnik article! My life is complete.