I dreamed a dream of skating pride

Mike Tyson, in addition to the $100 bill, gave him a second thing, an envelope. Then he whispered something that made Fallon give a nervous laugh as he shoved in quickly away into a drawer below. So what was in that envelope?
A gram of blow?
Jimmy Kimmel's ear?
Pictures of Jay Leno in a compromising situation?

That was Kim Kardashian. If you don't recognize her then I really wish I were you.

People kept telling me I looked like Cumberbatch. I don't really see it, but so many random strangers said it, I decided to do a Sherlock costume for DragonCon.

I think the most important point made in this article is not about those who choose not to vaccinate (which there have always been, and will always be - my husband almost died of whooping cough as a child because of his hardcore fundamentalist anti-Western medicine mom, and I also know a lot of hippies who did not…

To the anti-vaxxers: This is what whooping cough looks like in an infant. This is the misery you have wrought, you selfish, ignorant, scum-sucking assholes. I hope you all die in a fire.

Great. So not only will I die by coughing up a lung, but I will have to die knowing that it's because some Portland hipster yuppie douchebag couldn't be arsed to take his daughter Cucumber to get a fucking pertussis shot between her unicycle and harpsichord lessons.

I was totally with you up until the Miley Cyrus as First Lady thing.

I have been watching a couple of her interviews where she states that she is the Madonna of this generation and that she wants to be just as provocative. This really bothers me. When Madonna insinuated masterbation on stage, made the SEX book, and proudly pranced naked, I think she had a message behind it. It was…

The whole thing is actually a dystopian nightmare.

Is Miley's tour produced by Stefon?

I love this woman. So. Much.

What would be ideal ratios of ethnicities in modeling, in your opinion? Because I just googled the percentage of black Americans and it's 13.1%; Americans of Asian descent only make up 5.1% of the population. If the 9.75% of models in fashion week are black, that actually isn't too far off from the ratio of the US…

"Friends" bolted after she shared the pictures? Who the fuck does that? The internet blows my mind yet again.

AARON PAUL PRICE IS RIGHT MEME. YOU WIN.

My target day was 28 days ago. I got married 44 days ago. /flex

So, trans woman flouts law, demands pity when treated sternly but humanely by authorities. Also permitted to live-tweet throughout "ordeal," which means it wasn't an ordeal at all.

Random Shirley Temple story: my great-grandmother was a laundress at a hotel in the 1930s. One day she found a diamond earring in the laundry that had been sent down, and she turned it in. It happened to be Shirley Temple's, and Shirley's people were so appreciative of my great-grandma's honesty, they gave her $100,…