You can trust me though.

I broke my arm when I was 13. When they took off the cast, my tendons had healed a little too tight. I found out that I could throw a baseball incredibly fast. I got signed to a major league team and did really well closing out games. I eventually reinjured my arm later in the season and had to retire. But I’ll always…

Somebody better check on Drew.

He was busy protecting his own girlfriend, pictured here:

I’m totally cool lying to a foreign government, especially a corrupt one. His allegiance is to the stars and bars, not crooked ass Brazil. But, man, if it’s true he did it to keep his chick from finding out, that’s a bad look. There are levels of chick you obstruct justice over. Kate Upton, Emily Ratajkowski, Betty…

.

It’s good he didn’t return to quaffing Brain & Nerve Tonic or that hat would never have fit.

This has gotta be tough for Yankees fans. I mean, first the Cowboys and Lakers, now this?

Once I found it, it was so obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it right off.

Obligatory.

because someone has to.

It’s just a reminder that American-sports-style playoffs are great for excitement and bad for truly determining the best team in a given season.

Sooooo no more “rubbin’ is racin’”?

That’s a wheel cover and a red taillight lens.

Steph Curry is 28. 28 backwards is 82. Steph curry is known for shooting, or Shooting Basketballs Accurately. SBA, translated to numbers, is 584. 584 plus 82 is 666.

Steph Curry is the devil.

A close combat weapon for the Zombie Apocalypse? Rookie mistake.