When one of my cousins was three, he lost his goddamn whale on the bus. It was a rough few days until the new one came in the mail. We gave it back to him and told him it swam home for him.

Yes, I was sure “awry” was pronounced aw-ree, it was just no one was ever using it where I could hear it. They did keep using some word pronounced ah-rye, but I wasn’t clear on what that meant. Also, I thought that contractions were invented when I was 6 because I had not run across them before and assumed they were…

Ronald Reagan spent the majority of his presidency in a state of disoriented dementia and to this day there are Republicans who speak of him like he was god.

I think his people just shove him in a coffin like the vampire he is and then fly him around. He has no idea where he is or how far he has traveled.

Jerke is a wholly appropriate last name for this abomination of a judge.

Platform bed with drawers. Nobody’s getting under that.

I am a woman. I have a fantasy of being a little newspaper barker boy from the 1920's, wearing a jaunty hat and shouting “Papahs! Get ya papahs right heayah folks! Today’s headline is a real whoppah, see?”

I can’t either. So I looked them up, but I’ll forget their names again in no time. Here’s an interesting one:

she reminds me of this girl I know who likes to tell people to “read a fucking book” but I know for a fact SHE HAS NEVER READ A BOOK. Like she’s tried but apparently doesn’t have the attention span and never finishes.

I love this movie so much. It is my go to when I am feeling down, and I also take liberty with the monologues in my own reactions.

My family has vacationed many times in the past three decades in coastal areas of South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. Even as northerners we were well aware of the presence of alligators at the resorts we stayed at, most having signs near bodies of water warning of the danger. If we were staying near a lagoon we…

Having lived in Florida for only a short time in my life, for most people, gators seem like a weird animal that exists somewhere else. It is really not commonly known how widespread the gator population is in Florida and even as far as southern Virginia.

My sister-in-law were trying to work out this logic while we were on vacation last month. We even got out some notepaper and made diagrams between sips of margarita. I still don’t get it!

Airlines need to get with the program on this one. When I was 12 (going on, oh, 30 years ago now, eek!!) I traveled as an unaccompanied minor. I was seated between two creepy men. I asked to move and was told to “shut up” by the flight attendant. One of the men put his hand on my knee several times. The other also…

Freezing is apparently not an uncommon response to sexual assaults of various sorts. I probably wouldn’t know that if not for jezebel commenters. I would love to see the freezing reaction addressed more here and elsewhere, along with suggestion for possible ways to stop it from happening.

I was flying solo at 5 or 6 and I left without waiting for an attendant, I forgot they were supposed to accompany me. So I walked off, my little carry on in my hand, and was walking around the airport, wondering when people I knew would magically appear and not noticing security starting to get frantic. I was riding…

It’s fucking maddening, isn’t it? I have never, ever, ever been afraid of or even taken aback by a trans person. I’ve been afraid of/skeeved out by/uncomfortable around so many men, I lost count in my teens.

FFS, just keep your goddamn hands (and other bits) to yourself! Even very young kids who think Spiderman and Santa are real people can generally grasp the concept behind not touching.

Why do adults, particularly men it seems, not get this?

Pay no attention to what men are doing to young girls the real threat is trans women who need to pee. We have to protect our girls from the real predators.

I understand all that. I think my frustration is borne out of the fact that 8 years ago, Clinton was harangued for waiting FOUR DAYS after the final primary to officially concede, and here we are more than a week after DC and he’s still hemming and hawing.