Hee! I stole it from an old Simpsons joke, of course— every situation in life has an applicable Simpsons quote. “‘Ga-RAZH’?? Ooh, la-de-DA, Mister French Man!”

Correction: “twot” (American) means ladyparts. “twaat” (British) means stupid person. The meaning changes with the pronunciation. A twaat can have a twot. snerk.

Two years later and I still can’t believe he’s gone. The fact that the author who basically singlehandedly shaped my way of thinking as a teenager and, partially, as a grown-up was still alive and active somehow was incredibly comforting. His death left some part of me hollow.

When I was a boy, Superman (Christopher Reeve) was everything to me. I am so fucking happy that girls today have their Wonder Woman.

All the bottles are still white, tho.

Envisioning HRC calling the GOP base a “basket of cunts” has me belly laughing to TEARS right now. THANK YOU

Reese’s really needs to figure out a holiday shape to get me from the Easter season to Halloween. Maybe a flag or some stars? Regular cups are garbage by comparison.

Mix up some cookie dough, put it in a mini muffin pan and bake, unwrap a bunch of mini Reese’s, and when the cookies come out of the oven, push a cup into each cookie. Eat while melty. Have mouth orgasm.

The ABSOLUTE BEST holiday candy is any candy you buy the day after on sale after enjoying your weekend not going to church. Come @ me

I refrigerated a half-melted Egg this week. Looked like a turd when it came out. Boyfriend looked at me disgusted as I stared him down and enjoyed every bite.

If I saw someone buy a white chocolate peanut butter cup, I would seriously question their morals.

I always thought the shapes tasted better just bc of the novelty of them. But then I saw a “How It’s Made” episode years ago, and they actually change the recipe of the peanut butter for the shapes, to give the filling more structural integrity. The more you knowwww...

They look like the scary movie girls whose clothes are strategically torn when running into the woods to escape the slasher baddie chasing them.

Ugh, I hate this tend. I need clothing for work and peasants tops don’t really cut it since my job isn’t “free spirited beach waif.”

I have a few things to add (note I do have a long torso).

I don’t know but I’m keeping it alive all summer long.

Fellow big girl here. If I can’t wear a bra, I won’t wear it. Every time I see a plus size off or no shoulder shirt, my boobs hurt. What if there’s a situation where I have to run from danger? My boobs would be flying everywhere and may hurt a child or small man.

One of the very few fun parts about being old is watching the Youts wear all the stupid shit you once thought was cool. The 80s were stupid, and you shouldn’t copy us, kids. Learn from Steph’s Aqua Net Black Lung.

My sister and I went to see him last year with our male counterparts. He did the bit where he asked the men to applaud if they'd ever sent a dick pic. Like half actually applauded, probably less. Then he asked the women if they'd ever received a dick pic. THUNDEROUS applause. The he asked how many women wanted the…