I am totally fed up with my alma mater. They fucking butchered their own alma mater to even make it more PC.

The horror! An adult drank a beer in front of the childr-...er, in front of...

Is this an oblique reference to his impending divorce? I honestly don’t understand the joke.

I can only assume their stance on snot rockets is that pulling off the act successfully without getting it on your shirt is just such a cool move that they’re afraid you’ll upstage God in heaven. Excuse me if I fly too close to the sun.

If you end slavery, but commit genocide to do it, you still come out way ahead. I feel like that’s a loophole.

Took me a while to find the Cleveland Browns bit. It was kinda like a “Where’s Waldo” book.

-1.44 for blowing nose by pressing down one nostril and exhaling?

“Be commissions of the Professional Football League(American) -824.55"

Note that Goodell is WORSE than sexual harassment. Seems fair

Who said that? Besides you I mean.

TBH it kinds looks like that woman who fell at the beginning was just drunk as hell.

Also known as the divisional series?

Congratulations to Nate, who will receive a leftover Deadspin Awards trophy and the chance to face Deadspin staffers in daily fantasy.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

This is the guy who, when asked if he was Jewish, said he was “Jew-ish.” I’m sure it is.

Julian Edelman was born in 1986.

Troll, verb

Gazes

The only trolling here is the implication that Cleveland must focus its gaze inward, as if the organization cannot have multiple gazes.

“Direct your gaze inward”