Does this happen to anyone else:
As soon as the cold open finishes, the Breaking Bad theme starts playing in my head. I'm just now finally starting to hum the BCS theme.

I had a friend who said she didn't want to watch it because it "glorifes drug dealing/use." Even after explaining that the whole point of the show was to do the exact opposite of that, still no-go.

Are you kidding? Odenkirk was the only one on Mr. Show who was 100% commited to every single second of every single sketch. Don't get me wrong, the entire cast was/is funny and very talented, but Bob was the one hitting it out of the park every single time. Sure, he's acting silly, but it's still acting.

Good point. Mike is shrewd enough to know that he would have to run this scam not only on the two cops, but the bartender, other witnesses, family, etc.

I can see where you're coming from, but the timespan is the only problem I have with that theory (it being roughly 6 months from the time of Matt's death to the time of the two cops' deaths). I submit the following:

It's ALL good, man!

She found the payoff money hidden in a suitcase.

No, that conversation with her happened in New Mexico. She moved there about 3 months after Matt's death. Mike moves out there about 3 months after that (6 months after Matt's death).
He then tells her he's not just "visiting", he's actually staying in NM, and not going back east.
Then he goes to get his gunshot wound…

7??
What the hell's wrong with you?!!! Sure, maybe for someone unfamiliar with webzone comment sections. But to most cybervets, that's easily a 9/10 comment!!!!!!

I think it's not only a ploy for Matt's killers, but also the detectives working the case.
Notice he keeps with this 'alibi' when talking to the Philly police when they question him in Albuquerque ("I feel like I just crawled out from the bottom of a bottle…").

I always felt that Mike's reaching out to Jesse was just to keep him stable and able to cook. Mike even suggests to Gus he should be killed because the "Pinkman situation" was becoming untenable.

…or Nigel and Derek somewhere's else!

Silly llamas.
You just take Las Palmas to Colorado, take Colorado down to Pico.
THAT'S how you get to llama school!