I just went to kill a spider on a slanted ceiling. Either I missed it or it jumped. I may have seen it fall into either a pile of clothes or my blankets. It was pretty big. I freaked out. I generally don't kill spiders. Oh geez.

Yes but WILL HE BE IN THE THIRD HOT TUB TIME MACHINE movie? Cuz if he's not - and I don't say this lightly - I will be boycotting the franchise from here on out.

That's how he got all his fans?!

I'm on it! *bashes head with hammer*

That he wasn't wise enough to discern that Vanilla Ice wasn't worth emulating is telling in and of itself. He's all shtick. But that his Vanilla Ice phase was the high watermark of his image appropriation is remarkable.

Whereas some people might just use peanut butter or Nutella to simulate excrement, Ted Nugent used the real thing. There were no half measures in his commitment to avoiding serving his country.

For what its worth, I think your concern for the British Bulldogs was merited. I'm sure they would have been touched by your letter.

Dear President Clinton,

I wrote a letter to Ross Perot for my 9th grade Civics class. He never wrote back. I never mailed it.

Trolls are starting younger and younger these days. Well played, Pickle!

Who are you, Wally the Beer Man?

“The president of the United States is a complete fucking moron.”

Thanks. I'm looking for a way to work public address announcer Herb Carneal into the mix as well.

You've obviously never seen Dan Gladden's dark side.

Pass the Wienie Tots???

I served my country. I played high school football.

Before I get started I announce loudly that I am going to play an original composition. When I'm finished I walk around the store handing out cards with links to my myspace page.

What the world and this country clearly needs is one more person poking fun at the foibles of a shameless man.

Kevin Can Weight or I'm not interested.

That'll do, Jim. That'll do.