The waterproofing is for when Azealia Banks throws a drink on you.

Unless they're offering high end wine skins, I'm nonplussed.

The trick is to poke holes in the eyes and nostrils with your spoon. Let some of that heat out!

You just know somebody's gonna stick their wiener in the soup face's mouth.

"Hey Everybody! Netflix here! Quit sticking your finger in your belly button and sniffing it to Luke Cage and make this French onion soup with a damn face on it!"

Hey, we have libraries! Who do you think is keeping Dan Brown and Nicholas Sparks in business?

They were probably all planning to do the old "pay to get in for lunch, eat, then sit around drinking coffee and telling old Navy stories until it's time to eat again" trick too.

There must have been free tickets inside specially marked packs of Lorna Doone cookies or something.

"Hey, a cowboy movie! This should be fun!"

Knowing Tampa, the Amy Schumer show was the Place To Be Seen for some of the rich white people there. That's where the overlap comes in.

This is true. Tampa is basically the sixth borough but go about 20 miles north and it may as well be Arkansas.

And the beaches on the west side belong to Canada. They'll be down in about a month to lay claim once again, only to disavow the whole area once more in April once the temperature is above 78.

Another skid in the drawers for what they're passing off as MTV these days.

That's not even the first time Trump has made fun of handicapped people either. He's truly America's Crocs. Sad!

Personally, I think NBC should give Billy Bush his own show.

"The night belongs………to Michelob…."

MySpace? Damn, how long has this band been around? They seem like they formed a few days before that shit log of a song came out.

Has anyone seen Hot Chelle Rae and American Authors at the same time? They have to just be recycling these guys. There can't be that many of these types of well shit, I guess there could be.

Yeesh, who the hell would stalk this band?

I feel like "Hot Chelle Rae" is the name of one of those really horrendous sex moves all the dickbags I knew in the air force would joke about, like the "Dirty Sanchez" or the "Hot Carl" or whatnot.