Getting drunk on wine is usually a great buzz followed by the worst hangover of your life. However, wine with dinner is the only way to go. You just have to switch with desert.

When bartending, my drink recommendation for 20-something girls is always a lemon drop or a Cosmo. They're quicker to make than a margarita, present nicely, and have a ton of booze. If they're looking to not get too drunk you just cut the booze and shake it longer, still tastes and looks good.

Like everything that incorporates frangelico, it probably tastes like frangelico.

Been on the Knob Creek 9-year, 120 proof reserve lately. Excellent sweetness up front with a great high-proof burn on the way down. It cost around $45, totally worth it.

Last time I was in New York my Dominican cab driver and I dueted on the entirety of "Roar" while he was carting my drunk-ass home at 4am. It's my fondest Roar-related memory.

I hate that "7 Years" song so, so, so much.

I'm glad she finally wrote a woke song.

Do not put put unauthorized cinnamon on the goddamn meeting table! That's all the fuck we need.

"What could be more romantic than a dildo party slash murder?"

"Put half of a potato in the sauce, it'll cut the salt."

It's a bummer the singer who did the Cherlene songs hasn't had another album. I'd totally pick it up. Her "Baby, Please Don't Go" is great.

"You don't want to know. You may want to wash your lips, though."

Well, that's what you get for not being on our side in World War II.

Look at this, a haberdasher!

Dammit. I should've said it out loud.

"Snape fucks Dumbledore!"

Is it foot fetish porn? I don't get the pun.

We're not quite there yet, but the technology will soon be within our grasp. In the future, every home will have a plumbus.

I like that they're back to using tortured puns for these porn titles instead of, This Ain't _______: A XXX Parody.

College and Teacher's week aren't that bad. Celebrity, Teen, and Kids' are tough to get through.