There are, of course, two more possible responses here:

If you're not willing to take my comment seriously, don't respond to it.

SPOILER:

See, the grappling hook is one I have a problem with. In the book, that grappling hook is…a grappling hook. She had window bars and ugly clothes, she wasn't able to make an automatic climbing mechanical marvel. That she did just that felt off to me.

Also, this:

Okay, got upstairs and to a computer so I can respond to my phone.

My other huge problem with the ending is that it lies. Snicket stacks the deck so much that by the end of ths series he has essentially creates circumstances that force the orphans into a position of moral relativism - a lie.

I actually enjoy doing this sort of thing (I once planned out, but never finished, a long article where as a challenge I "fixed" Star Trek: Into Darkness" without completely breaking the central plot of the movie).

As Justice Strauss later says, it's perfectly okay to admit you don't know something. ;-)

TL;DR: Endings are hard.

I have no idea; I'd need to rewrite the book, basically. You can end on a hope spot without necessarily making it fully happy.

Honestly, I seriously think the reason I'm so impressed with this series and find myself liking it so much is how great they NAILED Lemony Snicket, so well it forgives a lot of (I think minor) flaws. He is absolutely, exactly pitch-perfect as far as I'm concerned. I laugh basically every time he's on screen. It's a…

Well, not off the top of my head. Harry Potter did fine. It could have been improved, I guess, but it was solid. If you count TV shows, "Justified" had a fantastic final season and excellent finale. I'm sure I could think of others if I tried.

I mean, sure, the premise could have worked if he had a good narrative to go around it. It wasn't written terribly, and it had some decent twists and good Snicket-y moments.

It's infinitely more realistic if everything doesn't tied together and there are loose ends.

SPOILER

Exactly. "That's life" is a terrible excuse, because no, it isn't. It's a BOOK. It came off very much as exactly what you said - a cheap excuse and a cop-out.

Because onscreen they're still playing it for laughs. Subtle laughs, laughs that fit with the general humorous style of the series, but laughs that shouldn't be there nevertheless.

Exactly. That's not really a "no", but not a yes either.

It's part of the joke. One thing this series - and it does a GREAT job - misses is that the scene where Olaf is describing the marriage plot to Klaus, or rather why he'll get away with it, is absolutely, positively devoid of humor. It is a disgusting, horrifying, stomach-churning scene in every way. No "Mazel Tovs" or…