I AM THE DUCK COMMANDER!

Hi, Kyle, I'm Tyler!

I actually feel bad for him about that; I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

"My penis is one badass motherfucker, okay? It's Sonny Chiba meets Richard Roundtree meets Bruce Lee, okay?"

His blankness allows him to be the perfect audience surrogate.

Preferable to the "icing on the bukkake cake," if you know what I mean.

Props to discovering The League. The fantasy football stuff drags the show to a screeching halt. The real bread and butter is the dynamics of five diverse friends who bond over their shared love of being cruel to the most vulnerable amongst them. They're filthy, vulgar, and hilarious.

Lights by Ellie Goulding. Not the type of music I usually listen to, but her rich voice and her thoughtful lyrics make this a highly repeatable track.

I think Anna Paquin won at age 10.

I don't know why they left the best scenes out of the "official" film, including the automated MGs firing down the hallways.

When Cruise chooses to act, he's pretty decent.

I don't get it, either, and I live in the Midwest US.

"The movie where Philip Seymour Hoffman has a yucky romance with BLANK" describes all of his films to a tee.

Gay panic!

He's ridiculously talented. I've liked him since Alpha Dog, also with Emile Hirsch.

Which I've been doing since Malibu Shores.

My sister and I like to sing, "I hate people!"

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I went two days without heat or power during an ice storm in 1991, and it was awful, so I feel for ya.

Wait, what?