My theory: He's a Wile E. Coyote super genius type who knows how to tailor his speech to satisfy his base without actually saying anything. He hits on keywords, aka dog whistles, and the rest of what he says doesn't matter.

Nope, they're real. Granted, the vast majority are voluntary attendance, held after school or at lunch time. But when most of the school doesn't give a shit, and the administration thinks they should be giving more shits, they make it mandatory, not realizing it only has the opposite effect.

This was during class time. The teachers had to escort their classes down to the football field. Many of the teachers were not thrilled at having their lesson plans interrupted.

Well, all-girls school, so I'm guessing some flavor of Christianity, and they're rarely going to agree with any liberal standpoint.

I wrote an editorial for the paper complaining about a surprise mandatory pep rally that the entire school had to attend. Of course, it was boring as hell for anyone who didn't give a shit about the school's various sports teams, so I wrote my article from the point of view that whatever it was happening on the field…

That's an actual job she had. Actors toured as Star Trek characters to supermarket openings and other events. She's talked about it in her standup, and she wasn't very fond of the experience.

I was impressed by the tent building. I worked in a high-rise in Woodland Hills, CA, overlooking the unused parking lot where they used to set up. Every few minutes I'd look out the window and it was as if ants were building a tiny city bit by bit.

I have no idea, but they don't show up on this list: http://www.circusfolks.com/…

My daughter just spent four months doing a semester abroad in Denmark. The first think she learned to say in Danish before leaving for the trip was "I don't know what's wrong with my country. I didn't vote for the orange turd." Of course, as it turned out most people in Copenhagen speak English and she never got to…

I don't know if it's just a regional circus that doesn't go beyond California, but Circus Vargas abandoned their animal acts and is still thriving. They've taken on a more "Cirque du Soleil" feel in their show and they're still thriving. I'm no animal rights nut but I find it hard to believe that Ringling Bros.…

Don't forget owls…

I'm thinking it should be a female defendant this time, and it's got to be an actress who's just a tad "off" and can seem like someone who would live in East Peck. So here's a short list:

I binged the last five or six episodes of Great News and I think it was just a matter of them finding their footing since the writing kept getting better and better. The Chuck character needs a little bit of fine tuning to dial back the idiotic Ted Baxter traits. He'd work better if he was a little more realistic.

Well, she didn't seem to have a job or purpose in life, so it's easy enough to justify her sticking around as part of the legal team.

Kenan gives all the fucks. No matter what the sketch, even if it's bombing he's still giving it 100%.

I wear a condom every time i go to the theater.

Yeah, they're covered under some unwritten grandfather clause.

I love country music! Well, not this country. But other countries'…

They have to keep up the conservative appearance and avoid showing any tolerance, much less support for liberals, lest they alienate their fickle fan base.

I know I can't be the only one who thinks that both Swift's and Perry's managers have weekly scheduled phone calls where they discuss what each of their clients should say about the other. I don't pay any attention to this garbage beyond the occasional headline like today's, but I'm now firmly of the belief that these…