What kind of pants does the male nurse wear?

As long as you can drink it by the handful it will be perfect.

That is terribly. Yeasty baked goods are one of my favorite things.

and looking like a fried bicycle inner tube.

Because of legal issues, my company is now advising us to write a handwritten note, then enter that into our computer system, then print out the document from our computer system, sign it and then file it along with the handwritten note.

This sounds exactly like my work.
Except you need to add the word "not" following every single verb.

Tell us more about this beer you speak of.

Maybe you can also mention that a hot dog is a type of sausage.

The first place I ever had a pretzel roll always had really stale rolls. So I spent like a year thinking that I hated pretzel rolls. And then I just realized any roll I got from that place was stale.

I don't think anybody associated with Subway has ever actually eaten a sandwich before.

And then even in the 1940's and 1950's everything was kind of fuzzy and colors were off.

Who is the guy who yells, "IT'S A TRAP!"

So you have become a magician recently.

The supermarket around the corner has had an amazing price on shrimp for about 2 weeks now. $8.99 for a two pound bag of 16-20 sized shrimp.

I have known her for 12 years now. At least once a month she says some that makes me respond by raising my eyebrows like Whoopi Goldberg.

Blue is a modern invention.
http://www.businessinsider….

That really sounds good.

Turkey sausage is the best.
Turkey bacon is the devil.

My sister-in-law yelled at my 4-year-old son for walking into the bathroom while she was in there.

I figured you just went right in the middle of the bike trail like the horses always do. Or should I say, "like the horses always doo doo"?