Both of my kids did that same thing for about a month or so.

Nothing like having a 4-year-old wake up, come downstairs and find a dead mouse on top of his racetrack!

I have been out of college for 6 years. I still get those dreams at least once a month.

I tell kids his joke about banana colors all of the time. Kids love that joke

Note to self. Do not use bathroom after darryl.

Hans Gru-purr.

Years ago, my sister-in-law bought us some sort of device for growing plants and herbs inside the house. It was a big light with a thing of dirt at the bottom. We put it on our counter. It took about 3 weeks for the plants to start growing. We had to run the light 16 hours a day. It was really bright and noisy. …

One of my cats killed a mouse last night. And then surprised us by leaving it right on top of my son's toys this morning. What a great surprise to start the day!

They break everything in the house.

Sounds like we're gonna need a bigger Pepsi.

I watched the Simpsons religiously through the 90s and early 2000's. I have been re-working my way through the old episodes. And even with having them memorized, I am amazed at how many jokes I didn't pick up for years. They are so subtle at times.

You need to listen to the jokes that she's not telling.

I picked that up on vinyl recently. It is like a totally different experience.

Is a "Dutch crunch" when somebody farts into the bag and then re-seals it?

Ohh yea. You totally want to accentuate that.

If you are wearing swim trunk or shorts that you can get wet, just hop in the river.

I remember the first time I went to Bavaria and I kept hearing about leberkase. It translate as "liver-cheese" but it is neither. I ordered a sandwich and it turns out it is just a really big cold hot dog. It was awesome.

Hot or cold Cuban?

So pretty much a cold hot dog?

My wife asked me if she could paint my toenails. Then she noticed my weird toenail. It is always kind of cracked down the middle. She started playing with the toenail and ripped off half of it. And it hurt so bad that I could barely walk for about two days.