The idea of your folks not wanting you to hear about sex and violence, but being *totally okay* with a 6 minute expletive-laden wish for California to be crushed by a tidal wave is…weird.

…just the opening credits? That's a very specific amount of illicit TV to want to watch.

Anything that involves a trusted person turning on their friends scares the *bejeezus* out of kids. Every time a cartoon did a "mind control" plot, 5-and-under me (and later my brother) would be cowering behind the sofa.

I give your folks credit for letting you listen to MJ, it meant you weren't completely ignorant of the larger culture.

I give your folks credit for letting you listen to MJ, it meant you weren't completely ignorant of the larger culture.

I've often said that I don't know if I'm a good man, but I know I'm a *lazy* man, and maintaining that level of deception is way more work than I'm willing to do.

It's like any tighter clothing, man. Highlighting your body will work if your body is worth highlighting.

"You're 17? I thought pursuing you was just gross and foolish, not *illegal*!"

Nobody saw anything like that, because Springer was to, I dunno, Geraldo, what WWE is to MMA.

"Hey Al, you got something on your lip…oh."

Seems like she was just beating you for poor taste.

Chest hair or skin condition? You be the judge!

That's not a unibrow. That's a tri-brow.

Smart kid, smart parent.

See, unless the cable pron you were watching was scrambled, you didn't get the *true* '90s kid experience.

See, unless the cable porn you were watching was scrambled, you didn't get the *true* '90s kid experience.

Jesus Give Back The Wheel, Your Driving Sucks

Think Jesus took a lot more than the wheel from these folks…

So is Human Whack-A-Mole a regular part of his services?

…it was? I mean, it's been floating around as a name for marks since the late 1800s. Weird.