I can't believe I have to ask this about the President's daughter, but such is the state of our nation:

Not exactly.

I would thwart his attack by strolling away at a leisurely pace, occasionally glancing back to see if his heart has failed yet.

Kill Lana??!! This is kill/fuck/marry, not fuck/kill/marry.

If 20 Bill Murrays were locked in a room, how many would emerge alive after three hours?

On his female fertility drug doping: "Just Manny being womanny."

Summer Of The Goateed Cerberus indeed.

She can check out any time she likes…

What you're describing is simple hypocrisy.

Fair enough. I had not heard it enough to realize that it was a thing.

No. But your touching concern is noted.

That picture reminds me of an old National Lampoon piece called "Owls and Lugers", about the world's tackiest dorm room. Trump's living room qualifies as a "-1000 point room."

That was… increasingly difficult to get through. Big finish though.

And two of them have nothing to do with the White House.

My condolences. Not the best time to be nicknamed Pickle.

A black Prince of Wales? About time, if you ask me.

You want a body? I can get you a body, believe me. There are ways, AJ. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

I almost wanted him to draw his sword. "The poison won't hurt. This, on the other hand…"

How about this one: given your username, you've got nerve to question spelling choices.

Yes, but your moisturizing regimen.