This is too confusing to be offensive.

No, you're thinking of Kunta Kinte.

I liked "I Love You Love Me Love", anyway.

Lewis Black once said that whereas the New Testament God seems like a great guy, the Old Testament one seems like a raging alcoholic. Sounds about right.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

I just like the bit where somebody tosses a jacket into the air to represent a dragon. Man, talk about having limited resources…

His death scene in Wrath of Khan is going to be a million times harder to watch after this. And don't even get me started on Kirk's eulogy.

That was too tasteful. You need to say that they are raping your childhood. Go on, you can do it. It's the internet.

Somebody should write a column about movies that make a lot of money but leave no cultural footprint and feature this movie.

I don't know, some old geezers use it, along with dial-up. When Dan Savage was blasted by Fox News by saying that there's bullshit in the Bible, he said that the secret to getting through a Fox News attack is to turn off your computer, smoke pot, see a movie, then turn it back on, open up your email folder, and count…

OF COCK.

Assuming AOL users can view this page, they are probably getting it, too.They're also wondering if this show is anything like Dragnet or one of those other cop shows.

I'm on Firefox, and yes, I am.

I appreciate what you're saying, Dave. I don't agree with all of it, but of course, you can write that off as youthful naivete. At the very least, you're making more of an effort to get it than anyone seems to be doing. And that's worth something to me.

Yeah, I'm kind of aware of that, as I'm the one paying for it. Thanks for not reading that part.

I already fucking explained it. I've explained it over and over and over and over again over the last three years. And still, they continue to bring it up. I'm sorry, I thought you people would be understanding, but it looks like you're just as bad as they are.

Mid-20s.

I feel like you could extricate yourself from this situation fairly smoothly by simply saying that you're not interested in dating right now. Boom. Simple. If he's a decent guy, he'll respect that. And if he's not, why are you talking to him?

He did, but it was a spiritual film, not a physical one. So you only get to see it once you've achieved nirvana.

Douchehood