This script for a Faith based rip-off of Planet of the apes writes itself.

An intelligent talking monkey who is also a Darwin debunker! Now this is something you don't see everyday.

Well, it's nothing very special. Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

I remember when the internet loved to make jokes about Amy Winehouse's drinking problem.

I actually liked the second one more.

Uh, Jeremy's… iron?

No, I haven't. Should I?

the only good soccer movie ever made is Shaolin Soccer.

To be fair, he was a great Hunter S. Thompson.

Well, he had a decent role as a detective in Sleepy Hollow.

The last time Johnny Depp did anything worth watching he was wearing an angora sweater.

"Marge…"

La Grouchorcisto.

In Rainbows was the perfect balance between pre-KidA and post-KidA Radiohead.

Why did you leave, Rabin? Why? Don't ya know my life could never be the same without MWOF? When I saw there was a new entry in this column I thought "Who would dare to try to step into the Rabin's shoes?"

You clearly don't know Mr. Rabin's talent. He has elevated the practice of over-analyzing shitty movies to an art form.

*Wink wink nudge nudge*

Man, A movie based on Nikolai Gogol's St. Petersburg Tales would be amazing.

You make me think of this column every time I see your profile pic.

¡Edwardo Manostijeras!