Valid points, although re: the fourth, if I remember rightly the woman thinks she's won but actually gets killed by the thing in the end (not that that takes away from your point at all).

I don't think you are alone, but I'm always surprised when I see this opinion because V/H/S is so bad. I'll admit that the concept of "the glitch" could've possibly made for something good but the execution was terrible.

In that succubus segment, we had to spend so much time with the awful, badly-acted bros before anything "scary" happened, that I was just too irritated at that point to enjoy the rest of the story no matter what. Maybe it was meant to make it satisfying when they got killed, but when it finished it was not so much…

I agree. The last Cameron film I cared for was Terminator 2, but before he decided to dedicate his life to Avatar sequels I was actually looking forward to this one, I think he could've made it great.

Nope.

Y'know, the things he writes kind of give an idea of what he thinks, same as anyone. There's the headline… I don't think you need to be particularly intuitive or…psychic or whatever. I mean, the fact he's written this as a news story at all, that kind of gives away that he thinks this is news.

I'm not seeing the a), not sure if it was overwritten or just something wrong with my browser, but I saw it in a notification, so the things you're saying I'm missing are:
a) information not previously known to someone.
and
b) newly received or noteworthy information, especially about recent or important events.
right?

I honestly can't tell if you're intentionally missing the point… AV Club is a professional news-providing publication. Newswire isn't catered towards what YOU personally know already.

The definition's in the word. "News", as in, "new".

And just because you haven't heard it doesn't mean it's news.

But if we're talking about the analogy used, the person would be saying
they wanted sex, they wouldn't be saying they wanted to be raped.