He was played by Jack Starrett, who directed that great Hell's Angels vs. the Cong picture The Losers, as well as the 70s Winnebago classic Race With the Devil!

It's those little touches, like giving the bad guy a marvelous fake nose, that give movies like Beastmaster that extra edge!

"Ha ha, let's create an all-new new action hero who stands only three bricks and a short refrigerator!"

Don't forget Robert Stack!

And it's assumed he's an absolutely unimpeachable source! Ha ha, "Nevins has confirmed that Vin Diesel is indeed the world's biggest, ugliest candy-ass!"

Ha ha, who is Nevins?

Ha ha, I just watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang again recently, and, despite thinking it was pretty good years ago, this time I thought it was pretty terrible!

Mel's finally made his Commando!

I'll bet he has Michael Bolton's entire catalogue, which he celebrates, on vinyl!

Say hello to my little frankfurter!

Ha ha, is that what he was saying? I always though he was saying "penish!"

*Joe Morello abandons time signature*

Too bad - I'm In A Dancing Mood!

That's What!

A wordless song? Whoever heard of a wordless song! Ha ha, nobody's written one of those since the days of Beethoven - then they invented singing, although c*strati had already been singing for decades before that!

I remember enjoying Brain Candy at a packed theatrical screening! Ha ha!

Hasta lasagna, don't get any on ya!

Ha ha, are you talking about Electronic Quarterback, the greatest game ever?

It also got to keep their phones and credit cards though!

I Am The Blue Milkman Of Human Kindness