They lost me at “Aurora.” You just know that whichever draft that first appeared in, the following script doctor’s immediate reaction was, “Too obvious” only to be countered by some studio lackey chirping, “Sleeping beauty — brilliant!”

If he doesn’t clean up his act soon, he’s flirting with a multi-game suspension.

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong.

The idea that this dude was out murdering people in the summer, then reporting to training camp a few weeks later and playing NFL games, is just crazy.

Whether Stuttgart are back and performing well in the Bundesliga in a year or two, and whether the goals of Green are a key part in getting them there, is now a matter to a large extent in Green’s own hands.

“ . . . people who have made the attainment of money, rather than the attainment of ideals, the defining purpose of their lives. It’s hard to imagine that this is what all those Trump voters who wanted to stick it to the establishment were looking for.”

Oh come on. Let’s not all be coy here. The Iowa player rebounded the ball with four seconds left and tried to do the sportsman-like thing and stand there and let the clock run out. But the North Dakota player rushed him and ripped the ball out of his hands. It’s pretty clear that that’s the issue, not the fact that…

RIP LeBron, first of his name, King of the Land

Malcom or Oscar from The Office?

“journalist”

No one cares, mate. It certainly won’t stop you from coming to Jalopnik anyhow. If you know your company doesn’t want you browsing sites with offensive language, that’s on you.

You do realize that Kinja is a blogging platform and not the “company” with editorial oversight here, right?

Which is why you’d never see a superstar play for a midmarket team in a cold shithole like Cleveland?

+1 destruction of our country

In Cleveland they leave free tickets in a big pile outside the stadium and walk away. When they come back, there’s twice as many.

An agonizing +1

“win”

In Cleveland you have to be the first to find and administer a life-saving shot of adrenaline directly to the heart of an overdosed Brownie the Elf somewhere in the Flats to win tickets.

Thank god. For a while there I thought I was being racist for thinking all the winners looked alike.

Haven’t seen someone spend this much time running around Philadelphia with inevitable disappointment on the horizon since Hillary Clinton.