dildaswinton
DildaSwinton
dildaswinton

Yeah! Look at these assholes not being real PATRIOTS! No hands on hearts and hats not off! The gall!!

I was walking to my seat at Camden Yards, hat on, toddler and diaper bag in hands and the anthem started playing. Before I could let out a groan, this old Fox News patriot hag immediately smacked me on the back of the head and told me how offended she was that I wouldn’t remove my hat. She then proceeded to tell me

I was at an Indians game either last year or the year before and a dude started yelling at me to take off my sunglasses for the national anthem.  I wish I was lying.

If we HAVE to stand for a specific song, and HAVE to put our hands on our hearts or risk getting jacked are we really free?

Higher chance of him having to eat a bear’s ass in prison

it would absolutely whip ass if this guy was eaten alive by a bear or something

As long as you don’t go in to production at the same time as my soon-to-be-classic Wait, who was I supposed to throw the ball to?: The unlikely journey of Nathan Peterman.

I look forward to seeing him picked by the Giants in the first round of the 2020 draft.

Sure, Amell might be embarrassed right now but this serves as a first rate audition for my upcoming epic C’mon, Man, I’m Wide Open: The Christian Hackenberg Story.

Appealing? No.

“Bat flip of the year???”

I’m sorry, but this is part of what’s wrong with baseball. Next time they should put it in his ear!

I wouldn’t worry too much about the injured. In my experience, there are plenty of Chinese spare ribs to go around.

“And Suzy died so bravely, filming the very tsunami that took her from us”

So basically every design meeting I’ve ever sat through.

Design meeting attended by only various versions of 11 year-old me

Sino wave generator.

Design meeting:

What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

If someone walked up to you and punched you in the face and you told them not to do that and they stopped, would you forgive them for the initial punch? You never said it was okay for them to hit you. If they told you that they thought it was okay because you had never said they couldn’t, does that make the initial

Sanders shot back: “It’s not a business!”