The mentally ill can buy guns again, so we got that going for us.

For everyone but Ufford, Mission to the Sun.

Is everyone who watches/covers sports a degenerate gambler?

I’ll tell him I served with Kushner’s dad. I smell an Ambassadorship! (possibly a made up word)

FUCK YOU! That tie is sweet!

Are you implying a handsome felon is willing to work for a racist tangelo? 

I also will not be visiting the White House if the Patriots win, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the terms of my parole.

Conway scares more than crows. She is just a mime who desperately wants to be a party clown.

Based on birth rate data and my rudimentary understanding of human reproduction, I believe the future will have men. Well, at least one man. Unless science finds a way to replace us...

And boom goes the dynamite.

I call your bluff. Let’s watch together!

Your assignment is to re-watch The Karate Kid. Your punishment is to watch The Karate Kid 4.

I thought of this:

So, I can still Uber, right?

The stills make it look like a big hit, but the video shows more of a light-medium petting, at most.

“Dipstick.”

In Chicago, Richard Daley was voted in at all 5 positions by all 1,458 players on the Bulls.