I’m 36 and just learned from my girlfriend you can wash pillows. I’ve been throwing them away every 6 months (or longer) because I sweat through the case into the pillow. Now everytime I wash a pillow I feel like I’m adulting like a champ. Even in my airplane pajama pants.

At least he doesn’t have a hairy chest as well—that combination is what we call the “Scourge of the Scotsman”.

I mean what am I gonna do...NOT get drunk and dance my ass off to Thriller? Of course I’m going to do that.

If we knew where they were, we'd be able to have a nice sit-down with their parents.

Correction - retail soap is bad. My sister started making soap by hand last year and omits a lot of the hardeners and chemically, residue-leaving garbage that retail soap includes. I didn't even realize how gross retail soap was until I ran out of what she sent me (the downside to no hardeners - you burn through it…

I had to stop reading for a moment, to come down here and comment on how fucking amazingly beautiful this section of the article was, "Many things are moist. Motor oil. Braised pork belly. A bog. Bangladesh." Like seriously, it made me lol while enriching my soul.