I’ve been postings for years,but a friend recently mentioned one of my posts to me in person, and I got really spooked. Postings have decreased drastically as a result.

All the lilacs here are blooming, but they're in public places so I just walk past them reeeeeealllllllyyy slllllloooowwwwlllyyyy. I'm afraid of looking like a crazy person, and then panicking and not being able to explain in German what I'm doing.

I think it's both racism and trying to mimic that 1920s/30s aesthetic of overdone eyes with tiny puckered, Cupid bowed lips.

Dude, I get crazy blackheads, and my favorite product is Neutrogena Blackhead Eliminating cleanser/mask. They also have a daily scrub that I haven't used. I still get regular acne (hormonal) but this stuff really does keep the blackheads at bay.

15 year old Dforce: “what the fuck! Pimples STILL? And how the shit do I have even bigger boobs!?” (I was like, probably a C at that time).

Yeah, 15 year old Dforce was a goddamned overachiever, and 30 year old is kind of a slacker. Making up for lost time, I guess. In some ways she’d be kind of disappointed, but I’ve kind of got a great life, and it’s a hell of a lot less stressful than in 8th or 9 th grade. Like, I dropped out of grad school (she…

Tell Allen whatever, because my cat only gets the freshest and most delicious of pet store cat grasses, and in constant supply. Not going to pay for it? DOES HE HATE THE GUINEA PIGS, MARK?! Also that shit is like, 3 bucks, c'mon. He wants your credit score to improve, but the he wants you to charge grass. Hm.

Sure, marriage is not the same as general commitment, but it does signify it's own kind of special public commitment. However, it doesn't really matter whether you and I agree on it, but only whether we agree with our respective partners. For example, I had a boyfriend for very many years. When we were 20, we both…

I mean, I don’t walk into a classroom and say “ok, we’re going to learn terrible words, guys!” Adults outside the U.S. have access to a LOT of American media, so my clients come in with all kinds of random language questions. Also, my husband is ESL, so I can’t exactly deny him a word explanation.

I explain English words for a living, basically, and nothing makes you realize how gross those words are like explaining them to an English learner. The absolute worst is trashy, though.you can't do it without feeling dirty at the end.

You wouldn't think so, but immersion totally works when it's done carefully and correctly. You start soooooooooo simple, lots of pictures, gestures, etc. Teaching immersion English is how I make my money, actually, and I'm also going through the same program in German. As a teacher AND a student, it's fucking great.

Yes, of course one can order a background check from the FBI, but it is seriously not exactly the same certificate that most European countries can automatically make for their citizens. The whole point is that there is no central database in the US, while there is in many other countries. They don't need to "run" a…

You would really think so, but no. II live in Europe, and basic information management is so different that I constantly run into problems. No, I cannot order a document from "the American police" that says I have a clean criminal record. No, I do not have a copy of when I registered my foreign marriage in the US,…

I am sticking with the powder because it helps me to remember not to wipe all my SPF off...and the SPF is really was exacerbates the shininess problem. It's bullshit, I tell you.

Actually what this guy is describing is what my husband and I (I’m American, but he’s European) had to go through at Frankfurt before we could check our damned bags. We are German residents, and they had a million fucking questions for us, and additionally had to check all of our electronics. This is a fairly new…

Um, I guess that is technically true? But caesarians can result in various complications, too. I think we're going to just talk in circles around each other, though, so I'll leave it at that.

I do not react well to any level of humidity that is above "desert, during a drought" so my makeup basically consists of sof moisturizer and powder...and later probably more powder. I just look shiny and sweaty constantly, and it bums me out, man. I would love to wear actual foundation, but it just disappears over the…

I also found that hilarious because I can NOT find anything but black mascara in Germany. I much prefer a dark brown mascara because I'm super light, but it is not to be found here (at least not in the drugstore brands, including L'Oreal and standard stuff available in the US).

That wasn’t the VBAC’s fault, though, so don't beat yourself up. The thing with the cord happens fairly frequently (I have a scar behind my ear because the OBGYN was extra swift with the scissors when I was born under similar circumstances, albeit not VBAC, just regular VB). Hope your little dude is getting the…

We had a destination elopement, but had the awesome (no) idea to leave on a long drive the day after our ceremony. With no shower, since something went wrong with the hot water heater when we tried to take a bubble bath the night before, and it didn't recover. We drove, drove, drove, saw a cool palace, drove until we…