I really hope this is the case, because I turn 60 in a couple of months and yes, I’m really ready to do the bridge dive, and I can’t imagine things getting better. And SSA tells me I’ll hit retirement at 68, an age I’m not even sure I want to reach.

I hope this has as a default answer “You could have read it in the time it took to come here to find out.”

Go out on my back porch, stare off into the distance, and sob. It isn’t really that location-dependent, but I do have a nice porch.

How do you grate mozzarella? May as well grate silly putty.

You folks are unionized, aren’t you? Can you just hire editors?

And just to beat this to death, I didn’t say you said “cooked meat.” I said you don’t like properly cooked meat. Which, for a burger, is rare. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m fine. As I explained to your marching fellow Manic Otti, nonzero is very far from endemic, and the actual CDC data bear that out. Thanks for, uh, caring, but no.

Well, it’s good that you admit this is coming from your own bias that properly cooked meat is “gross.” That said, during the forthcoming long, cold, dark winter, curl up with some CDC statistics. There’s really not much going on out there in this regard, and if nonzero chances frighten you this much, every phase of…

I know you’ve been told that and, let’s face it, if 2017 has taught you anything, it’s that you should trust everything your gubmint tells you. Unless you’re braising, though, beef cooked over 125F isn’t worth eating, so buy it from a purveyor you trust.

Whatever else one does, the best cheeseburgers double down on the cheese. Put all your accoutrements (subtle shout-out to Winnebago Man) on the bottom bun; then put a slice of cheese where the heat from the burger, just removed from the grill, will melt it. Of course there is already cheese melted onto the top of the…

I’ll humbly suggest that anyone who wants to get real about meat should go to a butcher shop if there’s one anywhere nearby. Butchers will actually talk about meat, what you’re buying, how best to prepare it, and all that. The little extra you might pay gives you access to tons of knowledge. And if you need something…

My oven is a pizza machine. That’s pretty much it.

I live in Andersonville and there have been stabbings and muggings. Relatively little gunfire, but when you say “the hood,” you really do mean “the city.”

As someone who moved here from the northeast 20 years ago, I understand that it isn’t pizza if you can’t fold it.

Congratulations on your new home, but... you people are still drinking IPAs out there? The rest of us are over them. I mean, I had one as part of a flight last week for nostalgia’s sake, but of the five pours, that was the one I didn’t finish.

Ravean Heated Down Jacket.

Ravean Heated Down Jacket.

Facebook gave me this last week, long enough for me to take a screenshot and say “HEY LOOK” and the next morning it was gone and I really need it. Such an obvious idea from day one. I’ve never even been a parent, but I understand the time-out corner.

Unfortunately, none of these services want to partner with local channels. I really don’t watch much network TV at all (or Netflix or Hulu etc.). If I’m bored or sick or whatever, I’ll tune in one of the retro channels or one of the indie channels. (And I’ve had Tivo for more than 15 years and am really, really good…

I mean, the class action settlement is going to be a few extra months of their monitoring service. Who gives a flying fuck? Why are people caring about this? The stupid is so thick about this. Who is fantasizing that anything useful or interesting will come of a lawsuit?

I’ve flatlined twice (fortunately super briefly both times) and neither that nor revival was any different from falling asleep and waking up, although the waking up from those was instantaneous, whereas, well, I’m not a morning person, let’s just say.