i can’t understand what you’re talking about. you’re too weepy and emotional.

Cut them some slack. Their Director of Ethics died in the Bowling Green Massacre and they’re still too distraught to find a replacement.

MY HOTTEST DAUGHTER PULLS HER LINE FROM FAILING NORDSTROMS! SUPER HOT! MY DAUGHTER I MEAN. SAD!

Next week: Kansas players investigated for ricin poisoning to eliminate witnesses to their international PCP smuggling ring using blind orphaned Syrian children that are guided by GPS on stolen iPhones and beagles from underground puppy mills that fund revenge porn websites

MacGyver could build an epipen out of an old milk container and a #2 pencil

I thought he got fired for trying to touch little Jimmy’s little Jimmy?

Steve Bannon is passionate about minority ownership, by which he means owning minorities

Bet that would be an awkward conversation with Oakland if the entire move had to be scrapped.

Raiders owner Mark Davis has until March to get this mess figured out, otherwise it’s unlikely he will receive the 24 votes from his fellow owners needed to approve his team’s move to Las Vegas.

Delonte West is available, right?

please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance

Monte Kiffin driving Lane Kiffin home after another dreadful performance from his son.

Do you ever get the feeling that Monte Kiffin, when he’s alone, just shakes his head and thinks “Jesus. Where the fuck did I go wrong?”

Gin blossom detected? Hanging out with Sark again?

No no no, this is when Barkley doubles down. He always doubles down. They don’t call him the Round Mound of Rebound for nothing. He’s gonna be right back up. If you’re going to get into a spat with a man who literally threw a guy through a window, prepare to feel the pane.

If James has had enough of Barkley’s shit, imagine how toilets must feel.

This is distracting from the rape investigation and the drug charge.

Hostesses at notre dame only allow recruits to use the Jesus Hole.

Exactly as MLK warned us about in “Letter from A Birmingham Jail”: “I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice;…

Smoking weed everyday helps me in my recovery from that workout I did in ‘05.