Okay, so that would last 20 minutes...

We’ve tried this - lasts for about as long as it takes for him to chew and swallow.

#BlackLivesMatter... except to other black citizens.

Well, if this protest is any indication, they’d be shot at.

So wait - you’re saying even though this latest young black man to be shot actually shot first, that’s no reason for him to be shot because #BlackLivesMatter ?

“That guy’s hurt.”

... except then I have to deal with American-centric results, and no metric system. No thanks at all.

Any idea on how to change the “Note” shortcut in the Notifcations Center to open Evernote instead of OneNote?

FBI pegs unfounded rape claims at 8%. Small, but significant.

I really want to shoot one of these “hunters”. Not kill them, just shoot them in the gut or something and watch them writhe for a bit.

Did the father’s head explode?

Too late - her biological clock stopped years ago.

You might end up important to 3 people. Stewart is important to a generation.

Pinterest users are almost entirely women. So that part makes sense. Sort of like how Deadspin readers are almost entirely living in their parent’s basements.

I really want to see video of this.

Uh... it’s not Patrick Kane. It’s Evander Kane. Check your sources.

In reality, these are $10 barbershop cuts... which each of the candidates paid $300 for.

Things I can ask Cortana to do, because I live in Canada:

Accountability in business is a good thing - those developers who were not effective should be moved to another job where they will be more useful. They don’t have to stay there if they don’t like it.

Men don’t care about this shit as much as women do. Gawd, always with the drama.