When I dropped my kid off at school today, all the kids on the playground were standing around a toad. Marveling at it, breathlessly amazed, all of them, like as if the toad were breathing fire. When my daughter saw this (very average sized, not at all extraordinary) toad, she shouted “WOOooooowwww!” like she had…

He Who Shall Not Be Named has made them bold! There’s no shutting this down in our lifetime. Progress in this country is two steps forward, one step back and this right here, is a step back, the backlash to the incredible leap forward that was Obama.

“My roommate started a fight with me over fruit-storage techniques.”

FYI: There’s a Philadelphia DJ company called “No Macarena”.

Yeah my therapist tells me all the time it takes at least 2 years to “recover from the relationship trauma” having a child does to your relationship with your partner. It does not bode well.

He’s mostly of Irish descent and was born in Bay Ridge. That “Danny Boy” intercession in “Tubthumpin’” would be catnip to him. However, I hope that in his drunkenness he played “La Macarena” on repeat.

Also Smashmouth “Walking on the Sun” and The Verve “Bittersweet Symphony.”

He took a vodka drink, he took a whiskey drink, he took all the drinks

If you break up in huge grandiose fashion every other week, I promise you your relationship will not get BETTER once the baby arrives

Jimmy and Abbi/Ilana have much in common I guess

Is anyone else extremely concerned for the baby Chyna and Rob created solely to increase their brands and give them publicity? That child is so fucked.

I’d rather hear Tubthumping twice than Famous three times.

Just when I think I’ve accepted the loss of Behind Closed Ovens.

Someone much younger, most likely.

I never thought I would see the day when Brad Pitt was single and George Clooney was married. These are strange days.

I’m assuming this is a joke (please let it be a joke), but it still ain’t a good look, seeing as you’re painting Aniston as a vindictive shrew and Cotillard as essentially a prostitute. I mean, you’re really running the gamut of gross female stereotypes here...

Ooh, like yellow journalism! I get it! Clever. ;)

If Brad Pitt wants the public to ignore his divorce he should have Terrence Malick direct it.

“Gwyneth Paltrow, there’s many a tale to tell. [Reporter: “Oh yeah?”] Well, sure. Go on the Internet and read your kid a show business fairy tale sometime. All kinds of backstabbing. But she likes cupping now. I know she likes doing acupuncture and things. Cupping maybe instead of backstabbing.”