I hope he ends up living in a box with a two-cart garage.

I await the relaunch of the Simmons Basketball Hour, with Kim Jong Un replacing Jalen Rose.

“A complete double standard. Clearly the producers know their Boston viewers actually like seeing things blow up.”

So Jerry Remy is a terrible father and horrible in Photoshop.

Ah, but have you ever had cocaine... on weed?

Dude, seriously though. What’s with all the kids getting on molly and weed when the OG is right there and ready to turn their 7 of a night into a 10?

Why does everyone want to legalize weed? Weed is boring. Cocaine is the most fun drug of them all.

I remember my first beer...

I’ll grant him the weed; it’s a brief respite from such a Spartan life.

What you guys don’t know, is that he was also shitting that whole time.

Any bets on where he’s looking that he gets so confused by just simply looking up a baseball player’s stats?

Completely unfair to characterize that as 50 uninterrupted seconds of phone scrolling. At about the 35-second mark there is a forceful exhale straight into the mic from deep in the belly of Francesa that sounds very much, to me, like two gorgeous angels fucking in the most expensive hotel suite in Heaven.

I like to think of this as a piece of performance art, called “The Inside Of Your Dad’s Brain.”

What idiot called it Bark at the Park instead of the Marge Schott Memorial Bring The Bitch Out To The Ballpark Day.

God, I hate this promotion. Just what I want to see at a baseball game (let alone city streets), people picking up dog turds in plastic bags. I like dogs, but they belong in a grassy park field, not at a ball park.

That might be the funniest goddamn comment I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. Cheers to you, sir.

Well, I mean, maybe he literally plans on coming into town, killing multiple people and causing millions of dollars in damage...I think it’s nice of him to warn everyone ahead of time.

Please bring Sealab 2021 back to televisions everywhere, you're our only hope!

Joey Crawford was simultaneously announced as the head official for games 5 and 6 of the Western Conference Finals.

Assuming it takes 3 minutes to properly toast bread, who waits 6 minutes to start buttering? Come on, man.