1. Change things.

I dropped a quarter this morning. It happened to roll toward a heavily bearded man, and I immediately broke down crying before it even got to him.

This was almost as LAZY as the night before, when Roenick compared Brian Elliot’s playing style to Curtis Joseph.

I would never call a team that employs Prince Fielder “gutless.”

He violated one of the unwritten rules by hitting a home run while a member of the San Diego Padres.

Joe Maddon, the best manager of his generation

Same

It’s...it’s so hot, so many takes. I...I wanna touch it...

Does Marchman play an instrument? If so, it’s that instrument.

Now that trade makes even less sense...

Ah yes, the St. Louis Blues bandwagon, where fair-weather fans hitch their hopes and dreams every April, and then un-hitch those hopes and dreams later in April.

Thank God.

Next game, they’ll probably end up throwing Life Alert bracelets on the ice.

For once the Browns won’t even have to draft a quarterback to guarantee themselves a bunch of picks.

This never would’ve happened if Chip Kelly were still alive.

If Jordan sat out a game in the playoffs, the 95-96 Bulls would have won by 37. That’s how much better Jordan is than Curry.

Not the first time.

THIS TAKE IS ALMOST TOO HOT TO TAKE