Yes! The number one way to do this is to work for Gawker media and start blogging. Also, Ice Bucket Challenges.

Apply to Jezebel.

I don't really care about football, but I also don't really care about women. Is there some way I can use these two facts to make myself feel morally superior to everyone else without really accomplishing anything?

I'm going to fall in love with my courage. Which is super fucking brave of me when you think about it (please, think about it).

Check out the vows she wrote to herself:

The move from East Coast to West Coast is now complete.

Yea, good thing no one asked me. Or else I would have told them that this is a lazy, dull idea for a thesis project.

Kind of a lazy, dull idea for a thesis project if you ask me.

It's really sad to see Brown just throw away his USC education over this.

Or...you know...don't follow the model of a thoroughly failed state?

Announcer: Well that was a nice thing of Chris Rock to do, giving the ball to a little kid. That's something black people do, whereas ni- (cut mic, cue commercial break)

This is really touching. She'll be shooting significant others through bathroom doors in no time.

He figured he might as well give the ball up before Dane Cook stole that from him too.

It seeks unspecified money damages.

d) If you can drink beer and smoke cigarettes while playing, it is automatically disqualified from being a sport.

The few participants who voted against Boxing were immediately granted judging licenses by the Texas State Athletic Commission.

Sure, swimming is a sport, but what's up with all of the strokes? Maybe we should integrate that into track and find out who can run backwards the fastest.

I imagine that falls somewhere between darts and fishing.

I'd like to know who thinks kickball is a sport and dodgeball isn't.

Whatever Deadspin. Just stick to snake fucking.