As if Martin Shkreli and Abigail Fisher didn’t already have the cretin face game on lock.

In my day we had to walk uphill.... BOTH WAYS!...PAST TERRORISTS!

Lazy little fucks.

God dammit I wish I could go back to being a high school student. My problems were so small and stupid.

Somehow still better than school being cancelled for a week due to extreme cold and being a poor district unable to afford heating. (Fun fact: I grew up in the town King of the Hill is based on.)

I went to a raw vegan restaurant once. 11 years later I still refuse to eat another meal like that again.

I feel like a lot of heartache would be saved here by people just adopting a pet.

Such an unsettling feeling to hate someone and feel bad for them at the same time. I bet there’s a german word for it.

Here’s the thing, most of my mom friends would not want to stay at home even if they could afford it. And let me be clear, there is no chance in hell that they could afford it. They love their kids, they love being moms, but they would be fucking miserable staying home all day with the kids. I don’t think I could…

“If there is a huge problem in America today, it is that we are losing a generation of young men,” he said.

Silly womenz...get thee to a nunnery!

That puppy is gonna be a big boy, look at those paws. I just want to rub my face in that puppy’s belly and smell its puppy breath.

I was drunk at a club and wouldn’t come out of a bathroom stall as well!!
I was miserable. Standing up leaning over the toilet puking because the idea of getting on the floor, putting my head THAT CLOSE to a public toilet-well, HELL NO.
I wouldn’t come out. I was afraid I’d yack again. Also, the wall was holding me up…

That’s an even better idea! And if the child were born gay or transgender it would just be the icing on the cake.

and pretty sure they created a federal registry for big fertilizer purchases after OKC bombing.

would it be bad to have sex with him just to have an abortion to spite him? i mean i know that’s a legitimately terrible thing to do, but this is paul ryan.

When I was having chemo, due to all the drugs, sometimes it took a while to go. Also I had UTIs a lot, among other problems.

Ooh what a hell.
I had a phobia for a loooong time and I attribute it to a situation in grade school where I went into a bathroom, to use it, and a group of “older girls” came in. I was young so I don’t remember the specifics but they eventually realized I was in a stall. I don’t remember them taunting me so much as…