The best memories a girl can have is when Mom went to work and dad was all "oh I can do this, this is easy!" and you wound up with a shitty side pony tail and started crying because it was picture day.

I'm a full grown girl-woman, and I can't braid. We are legions.

I love that one of those who voted against the measure is literally named White.

Yeah, I produce a high number of platelets, so when I go to donate blood they really want it, no matter where I go. I've since stopped donating.

At a van at the beach no less

Ugh, mobile blood vampires should go back to where they came from

Or something terrible in one of those mobile pap smear RVs that are popular among the college folks these days.

I've gotten crabs in a van once. It was not as pleasant.

What in gods name is a food pod?

Last time I was on a blood mobile van, those fuckers blew my vein out and left a huge scar. Never again.

That doesn't sound suspicious at all.

Quad-Bottom

Where the hell did you get my prom photo?

What movie is that from?

His name is Carol, and I love him.

The most evil coworker I've ever had used to be IN LOVE with Paula Deen and snapped up her cookware during the scandal. During Potlucks she'd be all "I can use my Paula Deen cookware now!". If someone ever professes an affinity for this woman, I know now to run as far as I can.

AHHHHH! YOU ARE THE REASON I AM FAT!

So that’s what people do when they aren't having sex

He grew up on long island if I am remembering correctly. He said on his Comedians In Cars Etc with Steve Harvey that his first interaction with a black person was his college roommate.

I have this thing where I won't date anybody who has a horrible palate. Never, never, never.