True story: when I worked at a car dealership, a coworker tried to move a nest to a safer location than the grill of an SUV, which to him meant a fence post. The eggs cracked and it started a war with the birds. I was divebombed at least once that magical spring

Is that a bad thing?

Fresh!

QuickieKisset Island: Where the currency is kisses and everyone is rich.

In 1000 years everyone will dress like you. In fact, everyone will look like you as well, after all the men die and all that’s left are samples of your sperm.

I remember very clearly the church bombings happening across the country. We used to loathe racist fucks, now they are coddled for votes.

Once on vacation, we went to go see a psychic. She told my friend all about the problems he was having with his current girlfriend, while we went to grab cash for his full reading. The dude was gay. When we got back, we made up a fake a story about our fake drunk friend to get him out of there, and she asked if we…

Everyone knows that love spells lead to children without souls. That’s how we wound up with Anne Coulter.

Question: When did the conservatives start hesitating to call racist monsters out as racist monsters? Cause this "no one knows why he did this" bullshit is new to me.

He probably wears jeans that are too short for him, a too-large polo-shirt, and has a lanyard for his keys he wears around his neck so he won't lose them. And mittens pinned to his jacket all year round.

Looks like his mom still cuts his hair after he's done eating cereal. Don't ever trust grown men with haircuts like this.

Bangers and Mash?

We should inundate the headquarters on 1M Moms with samples of adult diapers and bladder leakage paraphernalia.

Chinese food. We have the Kun Pao Delight dealers saved in our phones.

If she was down here in H-Town, Quannell X would have snatched her bald during an interview on Fox 26.

So that’s where I stashed my kid.

I have super long legs. Once, I tried to wear a black dress (long sleeves, high collar) to work and the army of middle aged skanks spent the entire day going back to different managers to discuss my sin. Another time, I was compared to a girl from the Addicted To Love video. The struggle is real.

Was there a contest to be the most insufferable as well?

Wait, what if she went through this whole minstrel show just so that no one would question why her "son" was black?

Some of us run away from age like its the devil holding a can of Ensure