Ben Revere not having enough power to get his teammates crossing the plate? Who would have thunk it.

Pretty sure it was “twenty-two, purple, can’t cover Green.”

When I was fifteen we were doing a self-guided tour of the Soudan mine tower. My thirteen year-old brother bet me $5 that I couldn’t do a pull-up on an I-beam that hung over a 100+ foot drop into an open iron ore pit. A couple buddies were there and I immediately said I would do it. I hopped the 4 foot “security”…

No, these were the cool Pirates.

That was the worst sentence I have read all day. I’ll give you a pass, though. I’m guessing you’re a troll.

The lady on the left thought that having more skin made her a bigger Skins fan. She was right.

Meh. That’s not an elite tweet. Looks more like the work of a decent social media manager.

Thanks for the advice. Everything is now perfect. The divorce papers just showed up, my kids hate me, and my parents just disowned me. Written by someone who either doesn’t have kids or is in the sex biz and looking for more business.

Always a statistic elitist.

Enhanced? Exhands.

“I really wanted to hit like I was coming out of the I-formation, but my counselor told me no more hitting and coach won’t let me call timeouts, so it made me really hesitant. Normally I don’t have a problem finding the hole, but there weren’t any out there last night. The only thing that I could do is try to ride Joe…

Nice work, Drew, saving the best for last and making me lose my shit at, “secret fuck dungeons.” Co-workers are still staring at me as I wipe the tears. I might have to get around to reading the other half of your book. Naw, who am I kidding.

Mom! Dan’s hogging the computer again!

Do a duck quack? Of course there is a chance. Do it seem likely? No. Does many people think this has to do more with Goodell’s over-inflated ego and the NFL brass’s never ending quest for dictatorship like power? Probably. In order to get butt-hurt, you have to have no humility. And the NFL’s front office have shown…

Correct. Should be irrelevant. Unfortunately that isn’t the way her mother planned it out... or should we say, whored her out.

Thanks for finishing the story and making me laugh. It offset the awful laughter at the end of the OPs scenario.

Probably because she’s the one dressed up like a sex object. If she were wearing the uniform and he was wearing speedos with a waxed chest and put on foundation to cover his age spots and pockmarks to go with a salon styled hairdo, then it would be the other way around.

Well done, Tom. This is the snark I come here for. Not just snippets. A full blown, fully deserved pile driver of the facts surrounding the story that lay the groundwork for the cherry on top: “They are done because cozying up to the military is a good way for the NFL to market itself as a noble civic endeavor while…

Onward type-face solider! You have shamed the imbeciles who have inappropriately used Comic Sans and Papyrus into submission. Now you must face a new enemy that is much more prevalent and disguises itself to appear as one of your own to the untrained eye. This enemy can be confused for Open Sans or your beloved MVB…

Can you please cite a reputable source?