Hoodies were my best friend. Of course, I worked at goddamn Claire's through all three pregnancies, so hoodies were a huge no-no for the dress code, so mi madre bought 3 boxes of maternity clothes on ebay for me from the late nineties, and I rocked those instead. Seriously, nineties maternity fashion is not far off…

Just wait until baby comes and doesn't eat right on schedule. Those suckers (ha! literally!) will blossom into D's from out of nowhere and hurt like the dickens. My old boss came to visit me on maternity leave, and asked where my boobs came from. I hadn't fed mini-Parisian in over an hour. Mine hurt just thinking…

Yep, my rib cage permanently expanded as well as my hips, and now I have a nice in-between size of a 34 and 36, so neither band size fits. My feed bags grew to a whole size C when I was nursing, but left me with next to nothing once I was finished.

For you, a maternity coat is a yes. Find a reasonably priced one, I found mine on clearance at Nordstroms online. A regular coat can kind of leave gaps between the coat itself and your body depending on how big your belly is...and well, twins, yeah. And any sort of chilly wind blowing up the front of your coat is just…

Can't find it, but in my Rosetta Stone for my college Spanish class, when you are learning hair colors, the ginger dude in the picture is damn sexy. Also: Emma Stone and Christina Hendricks.

I've been married 5 years, with no infidelity on either of our parts, and about 3 years ago, the doctor caught my HPV on an irregular pap smear after the birth of my second child. I have had irregulars for about 6 years now, and it took THAT LONG for them to see that it was HPV. So, yeah, it doesn't matter if your…

My 2 year old has two cowlicks on the back of her head right next to each other, swirling in opposite directions. What does that mean about her? Besides the fact that her hair looks a bit messy at all times...

I always think JWoWW looks like Emmanuelle Chriqui - Sloan from Entourage. She's beautiful, albeit a bit orange.

Please don't tell my husband, but I seriously am in love with Jason Dohring myself. I would seriously kidnap him and keep him in my closet forever. I could share though...

Wait, wait. What does it mean that I went to effing Seattle for my honeymoon rather than outside of the US? Uber-Poors?

You are awesome-amazing. If I had slightly less girlish hips, I'd say I'll dress up as George Michael and you could be Maeby and it would be an awesome Halloween this year too.

What about Bob Loblaw?

Would there ever be an episode that I wouldn't be embarrassed to show my parents?

I was thisclose to watching my first episode of Jersey Shore today because she was surprisingly hilarious in the lead-up. Then I decided it wasn't worth the loss of my Jersey Shore virginity.

Seriously, my husband is way weird when it comes to things like that. I had to have a cyst removed from my back, and he was all up in the way when my doctor was trying to cut it out. She's like, "Have you ever thought about a medical career? Cause this stuff freaks most people out." Ugh, he tries to make me interested…

Ok, well, when I delivered my placenta, it was pretty terrible. Mostly because I was feeling the rush of having pushed a 7 pound baby out of my vagina, and I was super elated. Like "WOO! GO me! I did it!" Then the nurse started massaging my stomach, and here is me thinking, "Ow, that really doesn't feel very nice."…

Awesome, thanks. I'm excited now.

I can't find it anymore! I think I may have seen it at a gas station in a town like, 4 hours away, but my children rushed me out of the store before I could fully check.

Do you remember Crybaby gum? They were a nickel at the gas station a few blocks from my house and I constantly had that issue. I LOVED sour candy when I was younger and I am honestly surprised that I don't have holes in my cheeks from all the acidity. I'm salivating thinking about Warheads though.

Hey! I was born 4 years after that and get fully nostalgic when I eat now and laters. Although I'm thinking they changed the texture. They're softer at first than they used to be. Shit, I'm surprised I have all my teeth.