Give him the ol’ “now that I can’t abide.”

Ewwwwwwwww...

I have a 2002 Discovery. With the window down, I can basically lean over and roll right out of the car.

Reminds me of one of my favorite toys...

It’s all a “curated lifestyle” on Insta, FB, whatever the kids are using. It’s fake.

I was there...I hear that you and your band have sold your guitars and bought turntables...

Do the guy Fieri trick from every episode and add a few drops of water and cover to really melt the top cheese layer.

Plastic wrap individual slices, freeze, stomach growls, remove from freezer, defrost in the mic, frying pan on med high for 4 minutes, hit pan with a little water & cover to steam cook the cheese. Voila, better than a Tombstone.

Let’s remember some hip hop artists...

Didn’t Ted go 17-0-4 one point?

That Chicago story calls for a classic— “back in da damn Buick...”

Up top there was almost a run of 4 straight Simpson burners. So close! I think it’s time to put away the keyboard.

“Download the brownload,” see also, “DL the BL.”

“Gotta go see a man about a horse” is tried and true in my family.

That is a dollar well spent — either way.

This commentary is so stale. I am a former midwesterner who moved right before 9/11. Peeple have been saying this shit for the last 20 years. It’s a tired, lazy taek. You’re better than that, dude. 

This is a hot taek.

It’s interesting how “tavern” or “bar” pizza, which is common at every bowling alley in the Midwest is now having its moment in NYC.

That would be an insult to the Tomah tractor pulls.

Sang it in that weird 1920's cartoony voice version they play at EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN Yankees game.